Running Home
by Jen713
Summary: Running Home is a fic I started awhile ago and have just found the inspiration to finish. It is a Nexis fic. Alexis had left Port Charles had a child and never told Ned. The story picks up when Kirsten their daughter wants to find out who her father is. T
1. Chapter 1

Running Home

Chapter 1

Manhattan New York

It had been sixteen years since she'd seen him last, but yet she still felt a connection. Holidays, such as Christmas were almost unbearable, so many memories. Memories that continued to haunt her; but today was the ultimate reminder of what she had lost, it was 16 years today since she had left. It was for his own good she kept reminding herself. But that excuse quickly grew inadequate. Now all she felt was regret. The only bright spot in her life had been her daughter, but even she brought reminders of the love of a lifetime, lost by her own thoughtless actions. Kristen had his eyes and his dimpled smile that always made her go week at the knees. It almost made it impossible for her to say no to her when she was a little girl. But she wasn't a little girl anymore. And she was asking a lot of questions. Questions about him. She didn't know how to approach the topic, she didn't even know if he stilled lived in Port Charles. How was she supposed to answer her daughters questions, if she just didn't know. However, her avoidance of the topic was actually doing more harm than good.

"I can't do this with you, not tonight. Just not tonight."

"It's always not tonight, maybe another time. When, mom, I want to know who my father is! I want to know what happened between the two of you!"

"You will. I just can't talk about it tonight."

"Why! Tonight won't be any different than tomorrow, or the day after that! What is so wrong with telling me who my father is."

"Nothing, nothing is wrong with that sweetie, I just can't go there tonight, I'm sorry."

Angry, upset, and disappointed Kristen ran up the stairs, Alexis flinched as she heard the door slam. She didn't know what to do, when or how to tell her. It needed to be done, all she needed to decide was when. And tonight was definitely not that night, not the night she ran out on him so long ago. She walked over to the closet and took out a box, she only took it out once in a great while, it had to many memories enclosed. She placed it on the coffee table and pulled out the first thing he had ever given her, her sound machine. She turned it on and sat there and listened to the sound of the rainforest for a little while before continuing to look threw her past. Dried flowers, love letters, she kept everything right down to the very last thing she had ever received from him. A letter he had sent attached with the divorce papers…..

Dear Alexis,  
I can't say I wasn't stunned when I came home two weeks ago and found that you had left. Honestly I was shocked, I thought we were happy, I don't understand what happened and maybe I never will. If I did anything to hurt you, I'm sorry. I only wish you had given us a chance to work things out. A love like ours could withstand anything, I hope you realize how much I love you, how much I am going to mss you. You asked me not to come and find you, not to come chase after you, I am going to abide by your wishes. It's against everything I believe in, everything I am feeling right now, but I am going to let you go. I don't know if I'll ever be able to completely let you go, but I am going to try. You are everything to me and I want you to know if you ever need anything I will be here, because "even a grown woman needs a friend." I love you with all my heart Alexis, that will never change.

All my love,  
Ned

Port Charles

Dear Ned.,  
You have no idea how hard this is for me, to leave you like this. But I have no other choice. By the time you read this letter I will be gone, I wish it could be some other way. The time we spent together has been some of the best years of my life. I only wish I could be here for more, that we could have that future we were planning. But we can't. I don't want you to blame yourself, if you need to blame anyone blame me. I can't really explain why I need to leave, I just do and as much as I don't want to I am. I need for you to do me this favor though, I need for you to not come after me. I need to know that you will move on with your life, even though you will always remain a part of mine. Trust me when I say it's for your own good. Please accept that, I need for you to do that. Live your life and be happy, it's the only thing that will make this easier on me, knowing that you are happy. You Ned Ashton are my world and I don't know what I am going to do without you. You will always have the key to my heart. I love you, I'll always love you

Alexis

He sat on the couch in front of the fire, sixteen years to the day and he still hadn't let her go. He had read and re read the letter so many times wishing it would somehow change things, it never did. Letting her go so easily was one of the biggest mistakes he had ever made. It was like losing a part of himself he never thought he would regain. To the residents of Port Charles he looked like he had moved on, he put on a front for his family so they would leave him alone. He went back to ELQ, without Alexis he had no one there to remind him why he turned in his key. He wasn't happy with the way things were going with his life. He hadn't been since he lost her, but he had to try to move on and the only way he got threw I was thinking that maybe she was happy. Hopefully things were good for her, and maybe one day she might just come back. Every once in awhile he thought he could sense her, like tonight, he just felt like she was there with him, and she was, she was in his memories….

Manhattan

She laid back on the couch listening to the sounds of the rainforest. Thinking of the night he gave her the world. One night had never been so perfect before….

_Ned: (smiles) Pick someplace. _

_Alexis tunes into the sound of a rainforest. _

_Alexis: (closing her eyes, listening to the rain) Aww, I like that. _

_Ned takes the machine from her and places it on the table. _

_Ned: Let's stay there for a while. _

_He gets up and walks over to turn the lights off, leaving only the candles glowing. Alexis watches him seeming nervous. Then he walks around the couch to sit on the other side of Alexis. _

_Ned: That's nice. Now lean back here. (he puts his arms around her and she leans back against his chest putting her feet up in the couch) That's right. Relax. (Alexis shifts to get comfortable) Comfortable? _

_Alexis: Mmm hmm. _

_Ned: Close your eyes. (she does while he runs his fingers up along her shoulder and collar bone) Now where are we? _

_Alexis: It's not the rainforest. _

_Ned: No. _

_Alexis: It's a one room cottage. Very small village, somewhere near... the French Alps. (opening her eyes) And there are no phones, no faxes, no modems... _

_Ned puts his hand up over her eyes, to get her to close them again and she does. _

_Alexis: (continuing) ...nothing electronic. _

_Ned: Is there a bed? _

_Alexis: (opens her eyes again, but smiles, and closes them) It's right in the middle of the room. It's a fluffy bed, and down comforters, right in front of a roaring fireplace. _

_Ned: (looking down at her) And... are we lovers? _

_Alexis: (sitting up, she turns and looks at him seriously) Not yet_

Port Charles

_Ned and Alexis are in bed, after having made love, and they continue to kiss. _

_Alexis: (Ned leans back to look at her) Do you think it was incredibly brilliant, or unbelievablely stupid that we waited this long? _

_Ned: Incredibly brilliant. _

_Alexis: Really? Why is that? _

_Ned: (he kisses her hand, then intertwines his fingers with hers) Well, because enough time went by, so that we knew that once we made love, neither one of us would bolt towards the door. _

_Alexis: You're right, that is incredibly brilliant. (she pauses and looks at him, smiling) This is working out amazingly well. _

_Ned: (laughs) And it's only the beginning. _

One night had never been so perfect. The night they first made love, they had connected on another level. A level he had never gotten to with anyone else. They were a part of each other, they always would be. He sighed as he got up from the couch and walked back over to the desk to reluctantly put the letter away. Before he closed the drawer, something caught his eye. It was a baccarat chip, a remembrance of Monte Carlo.

_Ned and Alexis' hotel room. Alexis pours chips on the bed. _

_Alexis: I feel like I'm in a movie starring Cary Grant. (she flops down on the bed) And me! (Ned gets more chips out of his pockets and pours them on the bed. _

_Alexis rolls over to her side in front of the chips. )_

_Ned: It must be my charm. You were raised around money. _

_Alexis: (extremely happy) AROUND being the operative word. (she plays with the chips) _

_Ned: Au contraire. The operative word is play. (he searches for and finds more chips in his jacket) It's the game that counts and how you play it. (he showers her with more chips) _

_Alexis: (examining a chip) Oh no. It's the chips that count. _

_Ned: Lots and lots of chips. (he showers her with more chips) _

_Alexis sits up in front of him. _

_Alexis: (suggestively) I'll raise you. _

_Ned: I'm in. _

_He leans down to kiss her and pushes her back on he bed. _

_He lays down on top of her still kissing her. _

They had many memories like that, but they also had their share of heartbreak; the day she left him being one of the worst. He headed upstairs to what once their bedroom and laid down, thinking of them and what they shared, but most of all just thinking of her.

_**To say I've loved and lost  
just a thought  
to know I had it all   
times can change  
but love will not grow old  
turn the page   
turn down this bed alone  
**_

Manhattan

She laid on the couch wrapped up in a blanket, his picture close to her heart, lightly tracing his face with her fingers, surrounded by their memories…

_Ned: There are probably a thousand ways to say you love someone. You can say that she's beautiful and hope that she understands you don't mean the obvious by it. You mean the color of your hair, and the curve of your shoulder affects you the way music does. (a pause) That the sight of her entering a room makes you think forbidden thoughts. (smiles) And you feel blessed among mortals that they're not forbidden to you. (a pause) You can tell her that she's healed something in you (he's beginning to really feel what he's saying) that you thought was forever beyond reach. (Alexis looks touched, yet still uncomfortable; Ned's eyes fill with tears.) You can tell her that she makes you feel, for the first time in her -- (his voice catches on his words before he continues, his voice slightly ragged) for the first time in your life... easy in your own skin. That who you actually are, with no hiding or dressing-up, is all you need to live today, tomorrow, and all the days after, as long as she's there. (a tear escapes Alexis' eye, she exhales and leans forward to place her glass on the table; Ned grabs her wrists, afraid she'll run away, and makes her look at him again) Or, or... you don't worry about what it means, you just say it. Because in the calmness of your head, and in your heart, it's the truest thing that you know. And it's time that I say it. (He pauses, looking with intensity into her eyes.) I love you, Alexis. _

_**Do you still remember me  
how could you forget  
you're everything I need **_

Port Charles

She made him a better person. She was the only one who actually knew him. The only one he trusted enough with the real Ned Ashton. Even before he admitted he loved her, he knew she was his soul mate, why he broke things off every time he thought she betrayed that trust.

_Ned: (irate) Just one question, and then I'll go. _

_Alexis: (guessing his question, fighting her emotions) "Why?" _

_Ned: (seething) No. Who? Who is Alexis Davis? _

_Alexis: I can explain that (she bites her lip, fighting back tears) -- in time. _

_Ned: Oh, take all the time you need. You'll have it. _

_**  
I'm out here on the ledge  
there's no words for me to say  
**_

_Ned's cell phone rings. _

_Ned: (into phone) Hello. _

_Alexis: Ned, please don't hang up again. I can explain. _

_Ned: (coldly) No one here knows who you are. (he snaps his cell phone shut; Alexis is seen closing hers, sadly) _

_**and too much to regret **_

_**you're where I should be  
do you remember when  
I let you go **_

Manhattan

She sat up and pulled out a ring box. She just stared at it, thinking. She killed something that day, something in her, in them, but most of all him. She could have lost everything the day she ran. She never thought she would find someone to love, let alone love her back; she almost ruined the one good thing in her life, with one thoughtless action.

**_What was I thinking of  
I'll never know _**

_**what it's like to love  
**_

_Ned: (turning back to face her, beyond frustration) Alexis -- why didn't you just tell me how scared you really are? Why didn't you give me a chance to help you? (shaking his head) I would've taken your hand and we could've run out of that church, flagged down a semi, and just left them all wondering. And we'd be together right now. (pause, near tears) I ran after you. (pause, heart-broken) And you didn't stop. _

_Alexis: (attempting to convince him, though knowing that it's hopeless, whispers) I want you to believe me when I tell you that I love you. _

_Ned: (shaking his head) I don't want to hear you say that again because (yelling) it doesn't matter. (embittered) Obviously, I'm a threat to your independence, and that is a hell of a lot more important than your love for me. And I understand. I completely understand. (pointedly) There's obviously no room in your life for me. Ned begins to walk towards the door, as Alexis stands to follow. _

_Alexis: (quickly) Yes, there is. Ned spins around to face Alexis. _

_Ned: (incensed) No, there isn't! So just let it go. We gave it our best shot._

_**  
but there's no way  
how can I replace  
love so strong  
**_

_Alexis: (holding up a finger) In case I forgot to mention it to you -- as I was being thrown to the ground and bullets were flying all over my head, the last thing that I saw (pointing to him) was your face and the last thought that I had was how sorry I was for hurting you and how much I wish I had the chance to tell you, whether married or not, (choking on her words) that I lo -- love you with all my heart. (Alexis looks down as she begins to sob. She holds her hand up to her face as Ned watches her closely, somewhat pained.)_

_Ned: (pause) I love you, too. (placing his hand on her head) I love you, too. (Ned sighs as Alexis nods and taps his leg, still sobbing. She wipes her nose with her hand before moving into Ned's arms. Ned rocks her for a moment and pats her back.)_

_**when I can't forget your face **_

That night she found home again. She had no intention of letting that go. They did get married, and they were happy. Unfortunately circumstances changed. She wondered if he ever thought about her, especially on a night like tonight.**_  
_**

_**Do you still remember me  
how could you forget  
you're everything I need  
I'm out here on the ledge  
there's no words for me to say  
and too much to regret  
you're where I should be  
do you remember when  
I let you go **_

Port Charles

He laid on his back looking at the wedding band in his hand, one he should still be wearing. He wondered of she though about him. If she found herself suddenly thinking about them and their time together, just by looking at something as innocent as a purple iris. He didn't just remember he could feel her around him. He put the ring down on the bedside table and picked up the picture he had of her. He laid back and put it close to his heart, all he wanted to do was hold her again, but all he could do was remember.

**_We used to dance _**

_**I used to sing  
do you remember**_

_Ned: You know, they call this the Nurses' Ball, but how many people did you see dancing? _

_Alexis: (amused and surprised) So the musicians are going to start playing dance music now? _

_Ned: I just asked them to. Actually, I just paid them to. And why not? All our duties are done, everyone we serve and protect is home and safely tucked in -- or soon will be. Why can't we pretend to be people with lives of our own and just... dance? _

_**you and me  
'cause if I could  
hold your hand **_

_**I'd be a king  
**_

_Ned: I love you, a little more every single day. And I never would have hopped on this marriage-go-round if I thought that anything, anything, would come between us. And it hasn't, has it? (she shakes her head) We take time for each other. And we are going to come out of this stronger (Alexis rests her forehead against his) than we've ever been. _

_Alexis: (whispering) I adore you. (He puts a hand on her cheek. They look at each other for a moment, then gently kiss)_

_**'cause I remember  
everything  
**_

_Alexis: (hesitantly) I've told exactly two men in my life that I love them: (pause) my brother and my nephew. Neither of which want to have anything to do with me right now, so I hope that's not any kind of a precedent. (Ned smiles slightly at her obvious, nervous rambling. Continuing, still nervous and trying to remain formal) It's not that we Cassadines aren't clever with words, I mean, we can explain the most complicated philosophical reasoning, but not (softly after a pause) the simplest emotion. (quickly moving back into trying to lighten the mood) For that we favor arsenic or a gentle push in front of a speeding car. _

_Ned: Not you. _

_Alexis: (with her head down) No, no, not me. (raises her head to look at Ned, her face serious) Not me. If I never told you that I love you it's because I thought that it would (becoming breathless and somewhat frightened, struggling with her next word) scare you away. (recovering)I was so determined not to do that one thing that I was willing to do the other thing in secret. But now that you mention it... (quietly) I do love you. (a pause as Ned's eyes fill with tears) Ned Ashton. (she looks for a moment frozen and shocked that she's just said it out loud, Ned chokes back tears)_

_**Do you still remember me  
how could you forget  
you're everything I need **_

Manhattan

_Alexis: (giving him his coat) You must be freezing. Why don't you take this? _

_Ned: No. (he puts the coat back around her, pulling her closer to him at the same time) Let's just keep it on you. Are you planning on staying out here all night long? _

_Alexis: Maybe. _

_Ned: You can come home with me. I'll make you a nice cup of hot tea. We can watch an old movie. _

_Alexis: I can't. But thank you. _

_Ned: (exasperated) Alexis, it's freezing out here! You have to get inside. _

_Alexis: I have a place at the Port Charles Hotel. I'll go there. _

_Ned: Fine. I'll drive you. _

_Alexis: You don't have to look at for me, Ned. I'm a grown woman. _

_Ned: I know. But sometimes even a grown woman needs a friend. _

**_  
_**Alexis had fallen asleep on the couch thinking about what she had lost, she may have lost her lover, her confidant, but most of all she lost her friend, her best friend. And it was all her fault.

_**I'm out here on the ledge  
there's no words for me to say  
and too much to regret  
you're where I should be  
do you remember when  
I let you go**_


	2. Chapters 2 3

Chapter 2

Manhattan

The next morning Kristen walked down the stairs to find her mother asleep on the couch. The contents of the box still lay out on the coffee table, some of it on the floor. She reached down, picked up a letter, and read it quietly to herself...

_My Darling Alexis, when I said the words I love you I meant them with everything inside of me. But what exactly did I mean? I meant that to me you're the quintessential woman. Brilliant, beautiful, funny, compassionate, the list could fill a thousand pages. I meant that your safety and happiness are as vital to me as my own..._

She stopped reading as her mother began to stir. Her gut was saying this was from him; that her father wrote that letter. However, one thing stood out in her mind, "if he loved her so much why did she leave him..." She placed the letter back onto the table and started to rummage through the box. She picked up a stack of pictures. "The looked so happy," she thought to herself. She took one of the photos and put it in her back pocket before placing the rest back in the box. She looked back up at her mother and she knew what she was going to have to do.

She proceeded back upstairs to her room and quietly closed the door. She took the picture out of her pocket and stared at, almost completely certain the man in the photo was her father, her dad. She knew she was going to have to find him on her own, because her mother certainly wasn't going to give her any information any time soon. She quickly put the photo in the nightstand drawer when she heard her mother walking down the hallway.

"Kristen, sweetie, can I come in?" Alexis said softly as she knocked on her daughters bedroom door.

"Yeah, sure." Kristen walked over to her desk and started filling her book bag. Alexis walked over towards the desk and placed a hand on her shoulder causing Kristen to turn around. "Look, mom…I'm sorry about last night, it's just…"

"I know," she interrupted her daughter. "I'm sorry too, about a lot of things."

Kristen looked to her mother intrigued by her mothers last statement. "Like what mom? Like about the fact that you won't tell me who my father is!"

"Yes, Kristen that's exactly what I'm sorry for," she spoke almost soothingly as she stroked her daughters hair. She sat down on the edge of the bed and patted it for Kristen to come sit beside her, and she did. "I did a lot of thinking last night and you're right you deserve to know who he is, so tonight I thought maybe we could go out to dinner and I'll tell you anything you want to know."

"Really?…" She tried not to get her hopes up; it wouldn't be the first time they never got around to talking about her dad.

"Really." She pulled her daughter into a hug and kissed the top of her head. "Now finish getting ready for school, Sarah should be here soon." She kissed the top of Kristen's head again before getting up and making her way towards the door, but before she left Kristen stopped her.

"Mom…," she said quietly. "Yeah Kris?" "Thank you." Alexis smiled at her daughter, "your welcome." Alexis then left her daughters room and shut the door quietly, she knew telling her was the right thing to do.

Port Charles

Ned woke up with a start when he heard the knocking on the door. He scrambled to hide her picture and the letter he read over a million times the night before. He managed to get everything back in the drawer of his desk and to the door before whoever was there could knock again. He opened the door and was almost relieved that it wasn't anyone from the family, but still not to thrilled to see Jax standing there either. "You look like hell," Jax said as he waltzed into the gatehouse.

"What do you want Jax or did you come here just to insult me?" He asked almost seriously as he shut the door.

"Both actually," Jax walked into the living room, noting the half-empty bottle of scotch that adorned the table. "Rough night there Ashton?"

"What did you want Jax?" He asked getting annoyed.

"I'm heading to Manhattan to look into a possible takeover for ELQ, I thought the CEO may just like join me." In the past few years ELQ had been ripe for a takeover and Jax offered his assistance in preventing it, only on the condition that he remain in control of a quarter of the stock. Ned had no other choice but to agree to the terms and he had been hearing from grandfather for it ever since. But this offer to join him on the trip to Manhattan wasn't about business Jax knew it and so did Ned. Ned knew that Jax was only trying to help him get his mind off Alexis. Not only was yesterday the day she left him but the month ahead brought with them too many memories of her…and them.

"Look Jax, I know what you're trying to do and you don't have to. Besides someone has to stay here and keep my grandfather under control." He sighed and walked further into the living room.

"Ned, I know you still think about her, especially now. I saw you looking at her picture yesterday. It would do you some good to get away for awhile."

"Yes Jax I do still think about her, your right. But, going away isn't going to change what happened. I regret not going after her everyday, but it's been sixteen years I've moved on."

"Yeah, well if you change your mind or just get sick of your grandfather bellowing I'll be at the ELQ hotel room." Jax left the gatehouse more certain than ever that Ned was never going to get her out of his head. It may have been sixteen years since she had left him but he still held her in his heart whether he let others know it or not.

Chapter 3

Manhattan Hotel

Alexis and Kristen walked into the hotel restaurant for dinner. They had just about reached their table when Alexis stopped suddenly. Hearing her name she turned around and saw him, one of the last people she expected to see. "Jax!" Her voice trembled half from nervousness and the other from excitement. He immediately walked over to her and gave her a hug. He didn't even notice the young girl standing next to them. She backed out of the hug and looked at him, not realizing until that moment how much she missed his friendship. 'It's been a long time Jax."

He looked at her seriously, "I know." She evaded his look, as the moment suddenly turned awkward.

She knew he was waiting for an explanation, but she was not sure anything could justify what she did. "It's a long story." He just nodded his head in response. He knew her well enough to know that she wasn't going to tell him everything right then and there. "Would you like to join us for dinner?"

It wasn't until she asked that question that he noticed the young girl standing next to Alexis. He looked at her, then looked back at Alexis. Their eyes met for a moment, he knew the answer to the question that he knew he shouldn't ask. The answer was obvious, the resemblance was incredible. "And why who might this lovely young lady be Alexis?"

She smiled at him slightly, almost thanking him for not walking down that road just yet. "Why this is my daughter Kristen, Kristen this is Jax. He's a really good friend of mine, from Port Charles."

"Nice to meet you," she stated simply still unsure about what was going on. It was obvious by the way her mother interacted with him that they were close. She wondered why they had lost contact and if it had anything to do with her father.

Port Charles

He walked back into the gatehouse after having dinner up at the main house. It was a choice he instantly regretted. He didn't have the energy to play family gatekeeper, but yet he went up there anyway. All hell had broken out as usual and as he started to break things up and send everyone to their corner he couldn't help but think of her. He tried to get her out of his head, but he failed. He wasn't sure why every now and then little things like his family fighting made him think of her. He thought that maybe it was because she was his refuge, she understood gatekeeping and all that came with it. He sighed knowing that no matter how hard he tried she would forever hold a piece of his heart, no matter how much she had broken it.

He walked over to the wet bar and poured himself a glass of scotch. He then went over to the desk, opened the drawer and pulled out the picture he quickly had to hide when Jax had came over. He had tried to move on. He really had, he even tried dating Lois again, but it didn't work nor did he expect it to. He walked back over to the couch picture and scotch in hand. He placed his drink on the coffee table, but kept the picture in his hand. He looked at it, at her. He tried again to make himself think he right had done the right thing. He forced himself to think that she was happy wherever she was. He just stared at it, unconsciously tracing the outline of her face with his forefinger. He sighed and whispered "why?" A question he was almost certain he would never know the answer to.

Manhattan Hotel

She had laughed almost all night, listening to stories of Port Charles from Jax. The awkwardness had quickly slipped away and it was like she had never left. To her relief Jax didn't ask to many questions about why she left or Kristen. As they finished up their dessert she asked him if he wanted to come back to their apartment and have some coffee. Of course he had said yes, she was his closest friend, but more importantly he wanted answers.

Kristen, although she put up a good front, was upset that her mother had invited Jax to dinner and then back to the house. It ruined any possible chance of her finding out who her father was; and she couldn't help but think that she had invited him back to avoid having that conversation. It was extremely possible, after all she had avoided it for sixteen years, why not a little but longer.

The three of them headed back to the apartment, and as soon as they arrived, Kristen went straight up to her room. Alexis knew from experience not go up and try and talk to her, it was useless. She knew Kristen was angry. They didn't get to talk about her father and she knew they would have another fight about it in the morning.

"Do you need to go talk to her," Jax asked sensing the tension between mother and daughter all night.

"No, she'll be fine," she stated as Jax followed her over to the couch. They sat there in silence for a few minutes before she looked up at him. "I guess there are some questions that need answers." She spoke cautiously, not sure if telling him what really happened was an option. He nodded his head urging her to continue. "I'm not quite sure where to begin."

He reached out and took her hand, "just start from the beginning." She nodded wiping the stray tear that had fallen down her cheek. She began to tell Jax what happened to make her leave Port Charles, but little did she know that Kristen was listening at the top of the stairs, hoping to hear about her father.

Her emotions began to get the better of her, as she had to explain why she made her decision to leave. The history behind it he had been there for but she felt it needed to be told to better understand what she was about to disclose. "You have to believe me when I tell you that leaving was the last thing I wanted to do," she swallowed as she warily continued. "I had no choice."

He looked at her quizzically. "What do you mean you had no choice? Alexis he was miserable for the longest time without you and I'm 100 positive you were the same way."

"It's complicated; actually I'm not quite sure I should be telling you this."

"Alexis, I know it's been a long time, but whatever it is...you can trust me."

"I know I can Jax…I know…it's just…" Her sentence trailed as evidence of fear began to grow in her eyes.

"Alexis is someone threatening you," he asked seriously, almost certain of his last statement. She raised her head and looked him in the eye for the first time since she attempted to tell him what happened all those years ago.

"There are just some things I can not tell you tonight Jax." She tried to evade the line of questioning Jax was heading towards. He was dead on and she was afraid to give him the answers she was certain he already knew.

"It is…it was Helena wasn't it?" She didn't respond, and he knew he was right. Helena has somehow threatened Alexis and it caused her to leave Port Charles, to leave Ned.

_As they both sat there in silence as Alexis fought back the urge to just tell Jax everything, Kristen had made her way to the top of the staircase. She had known from the dinner conversation that Jax was a close friend of her mothers. It was also obvious that he had known her mother when she was with her father. She hoped that maybe they would bring him up in their conversation now. She was desperate to know anything about him. Unfortunately, she heard more than she wanted to know, but it did explain a lot. Her mother had spoken of Helena on more than one occasion, what she did was despicable and it made sense for her mother to be afraid. What she didn't know was that she was one of if not the only reason her mother left her life n Port Charles. _

After a long silence Alexis got up of the couch and walked over towards the fireplace. Jax got up and followed her. "Look Jax, you have to promise me you won't tell Ned any of this when you go home tomorrow. You can't even tell him that you saw me. I don't need for him to come looking for me. There's to much at risk. "

_Kristen rose from her seat at the top of the stairs as the conversation suddenly took a turn. The way she spoke of this Ned, the sound of her mothers voice, it made her believe that Ned was the one who wrote the letters. Ned was the one in the picture she put in her bed side table. That Ned was her father. If only she could get them to mention a last name, if only. _

"What's at risk Alexis, you need to tell me so I can help you," he said calmly as he put a hand on her shoulder. "I can help you get your life back." She turned and pulled him into a brief hug.

"I'm sorry Jax, but you can't, you can't help me this time. Just promise me you won't tell him." Her eyes pleaded with him. Whatever demon she was battling it was serious, and she wasn't going to let it effect anyone she loved.

"I'm not going to tell him," he swallowed hard as he continued. "I promise you Alexis."

"Thank you," she said softly as he walked towards the door. _Kristen hearing the footsteps coming back towards the staircase had retreated back to her room, where she pulled the picture out her bedside table as tears streamed down her face._

"I'm going to call you tomorrow; my offer to help you with this will always be on the table Alexis."

"Thank you." Jax opened the door and started to walk out the door, "I'm glad I ran into you tonight Jax."

"I'm glad too," he said smiling slightly as he closed the door.

She sighed and began to ascent the staircase, knowing that she now had to go face her daughters many questions. _Kristen hearing her mother climb the staircase had quickly shoved the picture under her pillow and climbed under the covers. The last thing she wanted to do tonight was hear her excuses. She was positive that whomever Ned was to her mother, he is her father…, and she is going to find him herself. _

Alexis knocked lightly on the door, after receiving no response she quietly opened the door and approached her daughter's bed. Kristen was asleep, she was almost thankful that she did not have to answer any more questions tonight. She kissed her forehead and moved to switch the light on the nightstand before leaving the room and closing the door behind her.

Later that night, when she was sure her mother had turned in for the night, Kristen quietly walked down stairs and went to the closet where her mother kept the box. She had never questioned it before, but now she new what it contained, all the answers to every question she ever had. She already knew her fathers name was Ned and he lived in Port Charles, hopefully after tonight she would know exactly where to find him. She went through the box, the memories of the love of a lifetime making themselves evident. Love letters, dried flowers, things that only her mother would understand. Finally, on the bottom of the box she found what she was looking for. A wedding invitation. _Edward Lawrence Ashton and Alexis C. Davis request the pleasure of your company as they unite in holy matrimony on the 18th of December 2000. _"Bingo," she said quietly and began to place the objects back in the box.


	3. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

The next few weeks flew by. Thanksgiving had come and gone and they were now headed into early December. They holidays were approaching, a time of year that brought too many memories of a love lost. So, he dived right back into what he did best, play the family gatekeeper. When the end of the day finally arrived he would do one of two things, go back to the gatehouse, drink his way into oblivion or head to the bar at the PC Grille, and drink his way into oblivion. Tonight he chose the PC Grille. "John I'll have another scotch," he said void of emotion. He didn't understand how it had been 16 years and he still felt this way about losing her. He was brought out of his thoughts when he heard his name from across the room. "Ned!"

He turned around and a look of pleasant surprise washed across his face. "Julia!" He got up from his bar stool and walked towards her to give her a hug, but only she pulled him into a kiss first; she always did go for the jugular. They broke apart and walked over to a table. "What are you doing back n Port Charles," he asked as he pulled a chair out for her.

"Looking for you," she said half jokingly, half-serious

He looked towards her quizzically, "I'm not that hard to find these days, join me for a drink?" he said motioning towards the table in the corner.

"Of course," They walked over to the table and he pulled out her chair, "Always the gentlemen, one of the many things I've always liked about you."

"I think I'm going to like having you back in Port Charles."

"It's good to be back, now the reason I was looking for you…"

He interrupted her, "Now there's the Julia Barrett I know and love, never allowing any time for pleasure."

"Oh, there's time, trust me, let's just get the business out of the way first." She smiled at him, raising her eyebrows a bit.

"Well by all means, tell me what you need," he said flashing his dimples at her.

She shot him a seductive look before continuing, "Barrett Industries recently acquired a magazine and I was wondering if you'd like to help me with the redesign. I was thinking about maybe getting L&B involved. We do make an excellent team if I do say so myself."

"It sounds promising, and with me and you at the helm, there's no reason it should fail. Anything we've ever worked on has been, a great success. Count me in….now on to more pleasant subjects," he said as he took her hand in his and gently caressed it with his thumb.

"Why Ned, what are you suggesting?" She asked flirtatiously.

"Oh just the two of us heading upstairs to your suite…that is if your staying here?"

"I am…please continue," she said intrigued.

"We head upstairs and catch up and then well…whatever comes after that will be up to you."

She looked at him, old feelings beginning to surface, "Let's go." He stood up from the table, grabbed her hand, and they headed for the elevator.

Manhattan

Her mother was going to be stuck at the courthouse; this was her opportunity. She was going to leave tonight for Port Charles. She had already bought a train ticket all she needed to do now was write her mother a note. Before she left for the train station, she left the note on her mother's desk by the door. She was soon on her way and in a few short minutes, she had arrived at the station. As she boarded the train, she couldn't help but have a few doubts about what she was doing, but overall she knew finding her father herself was what needed to be done.

She found her seat and after storing her luggage, she settled in her seat with a book. Not soon after, she was interrupted when a young boy about her age sat down next to her and started up a conversation. "Hi," she said apprehensively.

"Off to Port Charles?" He asked.

"Yeah I am, why?" she asked intrigued.

"Just, curious. I ride this train almost every week, never seen you before."

"I'm sure there are a lot of people you've never seen before," she said matter of factly.

"You have an excellent point, but I always make an effort to talk to the pretty ones."

"Well then," she responded unsure of what to say next.

Before she could formulate her next move he had already extended his hand, "Michael Corinthos."

She returned the gesture and they shook hands, "Kristen Davis."

"Well Kristen, is this gonna be your first time in Port Charles, because I'd be more than willing to give you a tour."

"Yes it is. But, you see I think I can find where I need to go just fine on my own."

"Oh," he said intrigued. "And where is that?"

"It's not where, it's a who, and that's Ned Ashton. Now if you know him, that could be helpful," she said realizing that maybe his help might not be such a bad thing.

"I do. Trying to become the next singing sensation at L&B?" He asked jokingly.

"No, I'm trying to find my father!" she snapped back.

"Oh."

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to snap at you, it's just...," she hesitated and looked down, fidgeting with the book she held in her hands. "It's just my mother kept me from him my entire life. I'm not even sure if he knows I exist." She sighed and looked back up at Michael.

"Well, I'm more than willing to take you to the Quatermaines."

"Thanks."

Alexis' Apartment

Alexis walked through the door of her apartment later that evening, throwing everything on the desk chair by the door. She called Kristen's name a few times before heading the stairs and walking towards her door, figuring her daughter was still upset over her ultimate avoidance about discussing Ned. She knocked lightly, "Kristen can we talk?" When she received no answer she opened the door only to find that she wasn't in her room. Her fear grew as she searched the house and Kristen was nowhere to be found. It was unlike her daughter not to call if she was going over to a friend's house.

She walked back over to her desk and picked up the phone to call a few of Kristen's friends but before she picked up the phone she saw the note laying on top of the desk.

_Mom, I've tried to talk to you about my dad, but you never want to tell me anything. I've done some searching on my own and I'm going to find him. Don't worry I'll be fine. I hope you can forgive me. I just needed to follow my heart Kristen_

Alexis stood there in shock, a million questions running through her mind. As her fears turned into panic she did the only thing she though she could do without jeopardizing Kristen's safety from Helena. She picked up the phone and dialed his number. They had kept in touch ever since he ran into her at the hotel weeks ago.

It seemed like it took him forever to answer, "Hello?"

"Jax, I don't know what to do. She left to go find him. I don't even know where she went to look for him. I assume she went to Port Charles she said she did some research, but I don't know for sure. I don't know what to do or where to start," she stopped to take a breath but before she could start her panic-stricken rant he interrupted her.

"Alexis?" He said unsure.

"Yeah its me, I'm sorry I'm just worried about Kristen."

"What happened?"

"She left. She left to find her father."

"Does she know that it's Ned?" He asked nervously.

"I don't know," she said as she began to panic again.

"Alexis you need to calm down. I'm gonna keep an eye out for her here. In the meantime you should probably call a few of her friends and see if they know anything and you need to book the next flight here. Ned needs to know what's going on. I don't want to give you the worst case scenario but…"

"I know and I don't even want to think about that."

"I'll see you in a little while. Call me when you get here."

"I will and Jax, please don't say anything to Ned, he needs to hear this from me."

"Your right Alexis he needs to hear it from you." They said their goodbyes and hung up the phone. Alexis soon started calling anyone she could think of to see if Kristen had told them anything. She wasn't surprised when no one knew anything, Kristen was smart enough not to risk everything she'd been dreaming of for years.


	4. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Port Charles

"Well here we are." Michael said as they pulled up to the gate at 66 Harbor View Road.

"It's huge." Kristen replied in amazement, fear and anticipation starting to grow more evident in her voice.

"It's the Quatermaines. Do you want me to come in with you?" He said as they reached the main house.

She hesitated before she started to gather her things, "No, I think I need to do this on my own. Thanks for the ride; I appreciate it more than you know."

"No problem. Will I be seeing you around?"

"I think that's a definite possibility," she said as she got out of the car. She watched as he drove away and walked up to the front door. She took a deep breath before ringing the doorbell, as a million different thoughts ran through her head. Before she could completely gather her thoughts, the door opened.

"Hello, are you here to see Dillon?"

"Uh, no..." she hesitated. "I'm here to see a Ned Ashton, I was told he lives here."

"Well miss he actually lives in the Gatehouse, but if you wish I can have him come up here."

"Could you? I really need to see him."

"Sure I'll give him a call, you can wait in the living room if you wish."

"Thank you…" she said not sure of his name.

"Reginald."

"Thank you Reginald." She said as she proceeded into the living room. She walked over to the mantle, looking at pictures of the family members she never knew. She paced back and forth, as her nerves started to get the better of her. She wondered whether he would want to see her or not, whether he would care. So many different scenarios filled her mind.

Meanwhile out in the foyer Ned came walking through the front doors of the mansion, "Hey Reginald," he sad nonchalantly.

"Hey Ned, You have a visitor in the living room."

"Is it Julia? She said she was going to stop by." He paused before heading into the next room.

"No, it's some girl she's a few years younger than Dillon."

"It's not Brook?"

"No, sorry Ned, I've never seen her before."

"Alright, thanks Reginald." He walked into the living room not sure what to expect, curious as to who this girl was and what she wanted. She turned around at the sound of the door closing. He stopped short when he saw her. She looked so familiar, but yet he had never seen her before. "Can I help you," he said as he walked towards her.

She looked at the man who she thought was her father and didn't know what to say. Before she could completely gather her thoughts she just blurted it out. "I think you're my dad." He stood there blindsided, he had no idea what to say, or do. Reading his face Kristen continued, starting to ramble on about anything and everything that led her to the conclusion. "Look, I know don't know if you knew about me, I'm not even sure you are my father. All I know is this picture I found in a box of my mothers things and a gut feeling I had. She wouldn't tell me who he is, when I found the photo a few weeks ago, I just assumed." She looked up at the man she thought was her father. His blank stare causing her initial fears to grow, he hadn't responded so she did what she thought would be best. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have come I'll just go," she said as she started to walk around him.

"Wait," he said softly. She stopped and turned around. "I'm sorry, I'm just shocked, I don't know what to think just yet."

"Neither do I. But, are you my dad?"

"I honestly have no idea." The disappointment of her face broke his heart. He needed to ask her who her mother was, but he was afraid of the answer. "Who…," he hesitated, "who is your mother?" He swallowed, waiting for her answer.

"Alexis Davis." At the mention of her name he felt like a knife tore through his heart. He looked at the girl who stood before him, the similarities all there. That's who she reminded him of. He sat down on the couch and put his face in his hands, sighing. "You knew her, right?"

"I knew her very well." He looked back up, realizing she could very well be his daughter. "How old are you?"

"I'm 16." She walked over and sat down next to him. "Do you think it's possible?" she asked hopeful.

He sighed, "I think it's more than possible." He was about to ask her more when they were interrupted.

"What do you think is possible?" She asked.

"That's really none of your concern mother," Ned replied coolly.

Tracey looked over at the girl sitting next to her soon, than back up at Ned. "Who the hell is she?" Kristen looked at the woman standing in front of her, unsure how to respond.

"This could be my daughter."

"Your daughter? That's preposterous! She's probably just some kid trying to put one over on this family. I can't believe you're falling for this! What's your name missy?"

"Kristen." She said apprehensively.

"Well Kristen I suggest you leave because my son here isn't going to fall for any con of yours."

Ned turned to Kristen, "don't listen to her. I believe you." He got up and looked at his mother "leave," he said as he started ushering her out of the living room.

"You're going to regret this."

"Out!" He said as he pushed her out the door closing it behind her. "I apologize for her, she can be a little overwhelming at first."

"It's ok."

"Look, I want to get to know you a little better, but not here. Where are you staying?"

"I don't know. I just left I was going to figure that out after I got here."

"Well there's a guest bedroom in the gatehouse, you can stay there if you'd like." He asked her hopeful that she would say yes. He wanted to get to know her better because in his heart was telling her she was telling him the truth. He just had to find Alexis first.

"I'd like that."

"Good, come on I'll show you where it is."


	5. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

They had gone to the gatehouse and he had showed her the room. They had talked a little and she showed him the photograph. It brought back so many different emotions in addition to the anger that he was starting to feel not knowing he had a daughter. When Kristen said she was getting tired he left her to get some sleep and decided to go for a walk.

Jax had picked her up from the airport and taken her to the Port Charles Hotel. After settling in, she assured him that she was going to be fine and he left. Being back in that town filled her with so many different emotions. She decided to go for a walk and gather her thoughts before heading over to the gatehouse. She knew he was going to be upset, shocked, and overwhelmed. Not just with the news about him having a daughter, but seeing her after she disappeared 16 years ago. She stopped short when she reached their old secret rendezvous point. She stood at the top of the stairs, she didn't expect that he'd be sitting on the bench just a few feet away. She watched him, he looked miserable and her heart started to break for him as old feelings started to surface, feelings that probably never went away. She hesitated, but decided it was now or never and walked down the stairs.

He turned around at the sound of someone walking towards him. He didn't expect to see that it was her. All the feelings that have been floating around in his head all night long had finally surfaced at the sight of her. He was hurt, sad, and angry as hell. She looked into his eyes, she could tell that he was hurting. She wasn't sure what to say. "Alexis." He said coldly. "Well at least you being here saves me the trouble of having to come find you."

"Ned…," she said sympathetically, but he cut her off.

"How could you," he said hurt, she could feel the emotion in his voice. "How could you do this to me!" He said stronger. "You knew! You knew how I felt after what Lois did!"

She knew then that Kristen had found him. Now the question remained was how she found him, they had never discussed him, how did her daughter come to this conclusion? She walked closer to him and reached out to touch his arm, but he backed away. "She found you, didn't she." She stated more than asked.

"It's true then, Kristen is my daughter." His anger faded for a moment, his eyes softening as he asked her.

"If not yours then who?" she said quietly, trying to reach out to him again.

Her last statement ripped into him, the brief moment of civility passed and his anger returned. "I can't believe this! You of all people Alexis!"

"Let me explain, there are things you need to know."

"Damn right there are things I need to know!" He walked past her brushing her shoulder as he crossed to the other side of the Docks still taking it all in. "Did you plan this! Did you plan to keep her from me! Is that why you left!"

She turned to face him again, walking closer, her heartbreaking for the heartache she caused him. "No I didn't plan this. I didn't even find out until after I left Port Charles. I wanted to tell you, I wanted to turn right back around and come home to you."

She pleaded with him, the desperation in her voice for his forgiveness was evident. He heard it, he even saw it in her eyes, but this was the ultimate betrayal to him and if forgiveness was in the cards for them, it was going to take awhile. "Don't lie to me Alexis! If you had wanted us to be a family, we would have been!"

"I'm not lying to you, there were…are circumstances beyond my control Ned." She spoke a little more firmly, starting to get agitated with his unwillingness to listen.

"That's right, when things don't go her way, Alexis Davis likes to play the injured party!" he shouted for all of Port Charles to hear. "Well I'm sorry to inform you, but your not it! I'm the one who lost out on our family! I'm the one who missed the first 16 years of her life!"

"You know me, you know I wouldn't have done this unless there were things that are beyond my control!"

"No," he said firmly. "I thought I knew you, I was sadly mistaken." He walked past her and headed up the stairs of the docks, never looking back. He couldn't take anymore of her lies tonight and he wasn't interested in hearing her excuses.

She stood there unsure of her feelings. His words were so cold, he had a right to be angry, but did she have a right to feel as hurt as she did right now? She felt guilty about feeling the way that she did. In her head she knew when he saw her this fight would break out, but her heart was hoping for something different. She stood there and looked out at the water for a while before getting too cold and heading back to the hotel, but when she was faced with heading back to her room, alone, she chose to go up another few floors to her friends penthouse. She knocked on his door and waited patiently for him to answer.

"Alexis, what are you doing here? I thought you were going to the gatehouse."

She sighed as he opened the door more and let her into the penthouse. "I thought I was and then I ended up on the docks. He was there and Kristen had already tracked him down." She sat down on the sofa and he joined her, he placed a hand on her knee and she turned to face him. "He was so angry, so hurt," she was trying to hold it together, but failing as a few stray tears rolled down her cheeks. "How could I do that to him? I'm awful."

"Your not awful Alexis, you did what you had to do, for Kristen's safety and his own."

"I kept him from his daughter Jax!" Her tears fell freely now as she talked to her friend, her best friend. "After everything we went through before I left, I just should have told him." She looked into her friends eyes, "I just should have told him the truth…about everything."

Jax reached out and pulled her into an embrace "Shh, it'll work out you'll see." He let his friend cry on his shoulder and he couldn't help but feel that there was something between them.

Ned had walked along the docks, trying to calm down before he head back to the gatehouse. He was blindsided twice, once with Kristen, and then with Alexis showing up. He walked into the gatehouse, taking his coat off and placing it on his desk chair. He sighed as he went over to the wet bar and poured himself a drink. He was taken off guard when he turned around to see Julia standing there.

"There you are! I thought I was supposed to me you at the main house?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry," he walked over and kissed her on the cheek. "I got blindsided by some news today," he sighed and they walked over to the couch as he took her hand in his.

"Want to tell me about it?" She asked her curiousity getting the better of her. She had just started to rediscover her feelings for him. Working on the magazine together was causing her to realize what she had lost. She was not about to let someone stand in her way.

"I have a daughter, she's sixteen, actually she's upstairs sleeping right now." He looked towards the staircase, then back at Julia, getting lost in her eyes.

"You're sure?"

"Yeah." He sighed, trying to read her shocked reaction. "She came to the main house today looking for me. I had my doubts at first, but then she told me who her mother was…" his sentence trailed and she squeezed his hand urging him to continue. "It's Alexis."

Her shocked expression soon turned to outrage, "That bitch! She knew how much Lois hurt you when she left with Brook!"

"Believe me I'm just as angry, but all I really want right now is you." He said leaning in closer towards her. She did the same as their lips met. The kiss escalated quickly and they soon fell back into their familiar pattern of falling into bed with one another.


End file.
